panic-stricken

all you mothers with a brood of babies can laugh at me but i'll fully admit it: i am terrified.

i felt 100% ready to become a mama. not one reservation or moments hesitiation. & then on top of it i got this perfect/robot/alien baby that zonks out for 12 hours a night, sleeping in, & still taking two 2 hour naps, takes literally everything in stride, is super laid back & adaptable, loves people, her favorite thing on this planet is to sit in her room & read books to herself, loves eating the healthiest food, listens well & is pretty non bratty, is crazy sweet/funny/gentle, & while she's not perfect she's just generally... dare i say, easy?

but i'm no fool. lightning does not strike twice. i know kids. i have been in charge of all sorts of different kids from all sorts of different families. this is NOT normal. this is not how the human race was meant to have offspring. & despite any words of encouragement i know, in my heart, it is OVER. any lasting freedom ellery has let us hold on to, any down time in my day, any lingering sanity is gone. the hubs thinks i can take on the world, which is very sweet but overwhelmingly naive.

we will be inundated & defeated.

& while i'd like to think it will go over like this:

i'm much more confident it will look like this:

with elles we've been able to stay as active as we like & she just travels so well we've never had to wonder if we can go do whatever it is we want to do. that's one of my main concerns. portability, flexibility, ability to leave the house kind of flies out the window when you have 2 kids a year & a half apart.

before completely throwing in the towel, i started pouring the internet & did weeks of research before being sold on the perfect double stroller.

 doesn't look like a double, huh? that's probably because it can be a single or a double & i am in love.

okay i know some fancy pants stroller can't gaurantee me a non-colicky, sweet tempered, acid reflux free infant. but it can at least have me go into this feeling a bit more capable of handling it. 

& that's enough for me.